{1:52 minutes to read} In my last blog, I talked about contingency plans. Some couples come to mediation looking to come up with a short-term plan that they put into place while they sort out their feelings. They may also decide what their long-term goals are in the event that they determine the marriage is over.
When I meet with clients for the first time, one thing that we discuss is what their current situation looks like and whether or not it is working for them. In some cases, the couple is still living together and, while neither wants to leave, continuing to live together is extremely stressful. In other cases, one spouse is living in another location or has imminent plans to do so.
If the latter is true, one of the first things that we talk about is what the plan is for living apart. For some, finances play a large role in separate living arrangements; for others, it is the parenting plan.
While it may be important for some couples to establish separate living arrangements sooner rather than later, those who do so without a clear plan could find themselves flying blind.
- How are we going to pay for the addition of a second household, including utilities and other overhead expenses that are currently shared?
- How does living apart impact our parenting plan?
- Is the second living space in the same school district where our children attend?
- Are there any restrictions on who else may live in either household?
- What other concerns do each of us have about living separately, and how can we address them?
Once couples have the physical space they need from each other, it can be easier for them to have productive mediation sessions. However, without coming to a clear understanding beforehand, the situations that may arise from not anticipating these issues above could take focus away from the goal of reaching an agreement. Not addressing these questions could also cause misunderstandings, adding to the stress and making the mediation process that much more difficult.
As long as the parameters of the separate living arrangements are clear, both can work toward a more long-term plan, using mediation to navigate.
Have you run into problems resulting from flying blindly into separate households? How did you resolve these issues? Or not?
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