Grandparents and Divorce

As the grandfather of four, I could not imagine my life without my grandchildren. And I believe the feeling is mutual. That is why I am saddened whenever I read a court case about a divorced parent who is involved in a court battle with his or her former spouse’s parents over spending time with the grandchildren.

It is not uncommon for a legal battle between spouses to ruin the relationship between a parent and his or her former in-laws. This is especially true when there is the perception that the in-laws have taken the side of their child in the divorce, which is usually the case.

Grandparents have a special place in the lives and hearts of their grandchildren. Usually they are the ones who spoil them, and care for them when no one else is able to help. While not all grandparents fit this stereotype, nor are all grandparents emotionally close to their grandchildren, if your in-laws have a healthy relationship with your children, think long and hard before severing that chord.

As was so aptly stated in a recent article by Rosalind Sedacca, who founded Child-Centered Divorce, “Don’t deny your children the support system they have come to love and depend upon out of spite, resentment or any other motive not of relevance to your children.”

So, if you are the grandparent, don’t take sides in the divorce! If you do, your grandchildren might be deprived of your warmth, intimacy and loving support.

And if you are the parent, be careful not to allow the anger you may feel toward your spouse affect the relationship you have with his or her parents. Instead, obtain the services of a professional family mediator who can help you reach an agreement with your spouse without a court battle.

Remember, when you take out your marital frustrations on your children’s grandparents, it is your children who will suffer.