Is “Fair Enough” Fair Enough?

The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.
–Socrates

{2.30 minutes to read} Divorce is arguably one of the most difficult things people go through. When I meet with couples for the first time, there can be feelings of hurt, anger, and regret. In the midst of these powerful emotions, it can sometimes be difficult to remember why they are there: to move forward, set new goals, and begin a new chapter in their lives.

My clients are there to elicit change. Together, they work toward a future that they hope will bring each of them happiness. In my information packet, I tell them that divorce mediation is a forward-thinking process, and I encourage them to focus on the future, rather than dwell on the past.

They are there because the relationship is broken. They are there because they have agreed that the best thing for them to do is part ways. They are there because they want to move ahead.

In coming up with a plan for the future, it is important to focus on goals. Trying to punish your spouse for the past is rarely a good way to create a future plan. In a blog written by Daniel Burns, he discussed the 6 Factors to consider when considering a divorce. One of the factors is to communicate your needs to your spouse and listen to his or her concerns. While the two of you may not agree on what is fair, perhaps there is a solution that feels “fair enough” to each of you, so that you can both move forward.

Time spent fighting and trying to punish each other could be time spent healing and focusing on all of the positive things to come. That sounds much better, doesn’t it?

You will get through this and you will be able to move on. With the help of a trained mediator, you can create an outcome that feels “fair enough” to allow each of you to create a new chapter of your choosing.