My friend Dale died the other day. He was 45 years old, had a wife and a job that he loved, and suddenly he was gone. I was talking and joking around with him on Friday night, and he died the following Monday.
Why am I telling you this? It is to remind us all that life is fleeting; we never know how much time we have or when our lives will be over. It is a point I try to make to my divorce mediation clients every day, especially when they are arguing back and forth about the past and about who is to blame for the end of the marriage.
Life is unpredictable, so:
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How long do you want to stay in a relationship with someone who does not wish to be with you?
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How long can you live with that knot in your stomach from the tension and discord your marital situation is causing.
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What is that stress doing to your health?
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How long do you want to continue to do battle with that person over “stuff”?
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Wouldn’t it be great to get on with your life as soon as possible?
I often tell my clients that one of the biggest differences between litigating a divorce and mediating one is the direction you are looking. When you are mediating your divorce your focus is, or at least should be, on the future. The question I often ask them is: “What outcome do you wish to create so you can begin enjoying your life as soon as possible?”
The past cannot be changed. The only thing you can do is create a future that allows you to have a happy and peaceful life as soon as possible, because you never know how long that life will be. Just look at Dale.
RIP buddy!
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yes sir the past can not be changed but the past can be buried. we have to learn the art of burying .it is not like forgetting .but i teach /instruct my clients with legal yogic way .any how i feel sorry for the sudden demise of ur friend.
Oh so true Dan! There is a saying that anger is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. Life is short and precious. If only we would remember this every single day. I’m sorry for your loss.
Thanks for this, Dan. Ed and I are each now in our ‘post-divorce euphoria’, and are realizing how much happier we are, and how much better we get along, now that we can stop arguing about what really is the small stuff. Life is indeed short. Mediation certainly helped us reach this point so much more quickly than we would have going the traditional route–I hope your post helps others see how short life can be.
I’m sorry about your friend.