6 Factors to Consider When Considering a Divorce

As I have said before, I believe that couples who are seeking a legal separation or a divorce do not have a legal problem; rather, I believe they have a practical problem that has legal implications.

The practical problem is often how to live separately on the same income that was previously supporting one household. The legal implications involve reaching an agreement that resolves this practical problem while satisfying the requirements of a legal system that may one day examine this agreement.

So how do they resolve this practical problem within the legal system?

When I first meet with my clients, I point out six factors that I believe are important to recognize when they are considering a separation or a divorce:

1. A Judge must grant a divorce and will not do so unless an agreement is reached that resolves all issues pertaining to property distribution, parenting and support.

2. It is almost always better to reach this agreement directly with your spouse rather than having outsiders (lawyers or judges) do it for you.

3. Your spouse will not agree to terms that he or she cannot live with or which they do not believe is fair.

4. The best way to determine what your spouse feels is fair is to communicate your needs to him or her and actively listen to his or her concerns.

5. Many couples who are considering a separation or divorce do not communicate very well.

6. A trained mediator is almost always better at helping you communicate with your spouse than a divorce lawyer who is generally focused on the legal issues rather than the practical realities you are facing.

If a couple recognizes these 6 factors and keeps them in mind during their settlement negotiations, the discussions and decisions regarding the practical issues can be less contentious and take less time to resolve.

So, what do you think? Are there any other factors that should be added to the list?