7 Things Your Mediator Wants You to Know, Part 1

{2:42 minutes to read} When I tell people that I am a divorce mediator, it is usually met with a response such as, “Wow, you must have seen everything!” or “That must be a very challenging profession.” The answer is, yes, I have encountered many different scenarios, and sometimes it is challenging. But these are two important reasons why I do this work.

Going through a divorce is very challenging and stressful. Mediators often see people at their worst. Why would anyone want such a private matter as their divorce to be made public? In Parts 1 and 2 of this article, we will share some things your mediator wants you to know.

Before you call to make that first appointment, consider these things:

1. What are People Looking for in Mediation?

What most people want is to know what their options are. They want to feel empowered and to have some measure of control over a situation where they may feel helpless. They also want their concerns to be heard and to be able to come up with an arrangement that allows them to resolve everything, and move forward. Tell your mediator what your long-term goals are, and they will help you get there.

2. Conflict is Tough, Period!

Conflict is difficult to be a part of, and it can also be difficult to witness. But when people have the space to work through their issues, many times some common ground can be reached. Think about any disagreement you have ever had, and how much better you felt after it was resolved. Being able to resolve your differences privately, in a space where you have a voice, can make a world of difference in how you feel after the conflict is over. Mediation can be a difficult process, but if you focus on your goals, you will get there.

3. Apologies Are Not Expected or Necessary

Sometimes my clients will apologize for arguing in front of me or for their inability to reach an agreement, to which I tell them: “It’s okay. This is really difficult, and you may not be able to agree right away, but if you keep trying, you will.” For many couples, a breakdown in communication is one of the reasons they are choosing to end their marriage. Don’t apologize to your mediator for the conflict- it’s why they are there.

In Part 2 of this article, we will cover the remaining 4 points that a mediator wants you to know before you begin mediation.