Involving Your Children in Your Divorce Can Be a Critical Mistake

{2:30 minutes to read} No matter how hurt and angry you may be with your spouse, your children need both a father and a mother. Involving your children in any way as you are working through your divorce is definitely a critical mistake.

Trying to alienate your spouse, using your children as a go-between, and being disrespectful or allowing others to do the same when the children are around will only cause them pain and confusion, which will have lasting effects.

Imagine how difficult it would be for a child to show love and affection toward a parent that the other parent hates. As parents, we do our best to protect our children from anything that may cause them emotional pain, yet some parents are so angry and hurt, they forget something very important: No matter what your spouse did, he or she is still your children’s parent; someone they love and look up to and count on. Children should never feel guilty or conflicted about their feelings toward their parents.

As a parent, you should always honor and protect the established bond that your children have with your ex. They need to know that, above all, they are loved unconditionally, and that they can continue to openly love each of their parents. Remember, the end of your marriage has nothing to do with your children, and it is important that they understand that they are not to blame.

Criticizing your spouse or blaming him/her for the end of the marriage is understandable, but make sure you do not vent in a way that your children can hear. If you are on the phone with someone, make sure your children are not within range. If you are complaining about your spouse to the neighbor or a family member, make sure the children are not within earshot.

When speaking to your children about your ex, choose your words carefully, because someday you may come to regret things you said in anger.