Don’t Look Back, You’re Not Going That Way

{3:00 minutes to read} So, you found out that your spouse is having an affair and that your marriage is over. Does that mean you need to hire an expensive attorney and go to court? Or, can you still mediate your divorce? And, if you do mediate your divorce, how do you address some of the concerns that you may have? For example:

• How do you handle sitting in the same room with the person who has hurt you?
• How can you trust that your spouse is going to be honest and provide full financial disclosure?
• And how can you be assured that you will get as good of a result in mediation as you would have obtained in court?

Despite these concerns, you can still mediate your divorce and avoid becoming involved in a costly and hurtful court battle if you follow these steps:

First, take the time you need to come to terms with what happened. While it may be difficult at the moment, if you give yourself a little time to heal, you may find that you can sit in a room with your spouse.

Second, you don’t have to trust your spouse in order to mediate your divorce. You simply have to assure yourself that you are making informed decisions. You can do this by requiring that your spouse make full financial disclosure of all relevant documents and information, such as bank statements, tax returns, and similar documents. And any qualified divorce mediator will help make sure that you understand it all before a final settlement is reached.

Finally, you must accept the fact that, despite what your well-meaning friends and family may have told you, your spouse will not be punished by the court for having an affair. While you may not get the same result in mediation as you would have achieved in court, at least by mediating your divorce you will control the outcome.

In fact, probably the best thing you can do for yourself and your children is to stay out of court! That way you can minimize the impact the affair will have on you by making your own decisions.

If you can do that, an affair does not have to lead you into a hurtful and costly court battle. Especially when going to court is going to cost you control over the outcome and is not likely to provide you with a better outcome than the one you could have achieved yourself in mediation.