Can You Afford to Leave?

In a recent blog I talked about a client who was worried that he would be “charged” with abandonment if he left the marital home before he had a legal separation or divorce. I outlined for him how abandonment is not really the issue since New York became a no-fault divorce state. But that doesn’t mean that it would be a good idea to leave before he had an agreement with his wife.

The real concern for him is the financial obligation to his wife and children if he were to leave the house before the two of them determined how much he would be obligated to pay either in support or for the household expenses.

While I did believe it was a good idea for him to leave the house for the emotional well-being of everyone, I did not think he should do so before he knew what he could afford on his own.

Since it is often difficult for many couples to live separately on the same income they were living on together, separating often requires each spouse to make adjustments in his or her lifestyle in order to make it work.

One of the things that I often do in a divorce mediation session is put up a list of expenses on the whiteboard in my office for everyone to see. We list what is being spent in every different category which really helps to crystallize just how much is being spent and on what. Using that exercise, people very often can find ways to save money or cut back on expenses that they had not previously considered or knew were possible.

While there is no simple answer to this issue and it often requires each person to make some sacrifices, I can assure you that it is far better to do this together with the assistance of a qualified divorce mediator than to do it separately with two lawyers who are certain to cost you a great deal of money at a time when you can least afford it!

Does any of this sounds familiar to you? If so, I would love to hear from you.

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