I Hate Daddy’s New Girlfriend

In my previous blog I addressed the idea of creating a “dating agreement” for a couple who had ended their marriage but who were still living together. Today I would like to discuss a related issue.

I was recently working with a couple who were having a disagreement over how long they should wait before introducing their children to dad’s new girlfriend. Mom was suggesting that he wait six months or more, while dad felt that the best approach was to “take the band aid off” by introducing them to her right away.

Another couple was having a similar issue with a twist. Mom was never going to be ok with dad being with his new girlfriend when their child was around because she felt that the new girlfriend was the cause of their marriage ending.

In making a determination as to when it is appropriate to introduce your children to a new partner, parents need to be sensitive to how the children are reacting to the marriage ending. Some of the questions I would raise in deciding how and when to introduce a new significant other to your children might be:

• Have your children accepted the fact that the marriage is over?
• What is the age and gender of the children?
• How do you believe they would react to seeing dad or mom with another partner?
• Should it be done gradually by allowing them to meet the new partner in a short casual setting rather than at a family outing?
• Should it be done only after informing your spouse of your intention to do so?
• Should you get the opinion of a respected third person such as a school counselor or therapist?
• Is there a “magical” waiting period that should be honored before it happens?

While I am not sure if all of these are right for every situation, it seems that many of these factors should be taken into consideration when deciding how and when to introduce your children to a new partner.

Have you had any experience with introducing your children to a new partner? If so, please share your story in the comment box below.