Post-Divorce Mediation

{4:54 minutes to read}  Couples who hire a divorce mediator, work toward a marital settlement agreement that addresses everything from parenting to real estate to retirement assets, and everything in between. Since divorce mediation is a forward thinking process, these agreements should contain a plan for the future, in particular for couples who have children.

While most agreements work for couples indefinitely, sometimes, revising an agreement after a divorce is necessary. This can result from a change in employment or location for one of the parents, a change in the needs of the children, or a health challenge that requires circumstances to change. For example:

Paul and Naomi

When Paul and Naomi divorced, Paul was working toward a Ph.D. Once completed, he was offered a prestigious position at a university two hours from his home. Paul felt that accepting this position would be extremely important for his future, but he and Naomi had agreed on a shared parenting arrangement for their two children. They both lived in the same school district which made it easy for the children to be at both homes, but now Paul would be gone Monday-Thursday each week that the university was in session.

Paul and Naomi could not agree on how their parenting schedule should change. Paul wanted to have time with the children when he was not working, but Naomi felt this was unfair to her, since she worked all week and the children were in school. Further, Naomi saw no reason to change her life around because of her ex-husband’s schedule—after all, they were divorced!

Renee and Bradley

Renee and Bradley had a daughter, Mia, who was an infant when they separated. Due to the fact that Renee was breastfeeding, both parents agreed that Mia should live with her and that Bradley would see Mia almost every day, but for shorter periods of time as she and Renee could not be separated for more than a few hours.

Now, Mia is 3 and Bradley would like their parenting schedule to change. While Renee agrees that this is fair, she is very emotional about Mia sleeping elsewhere. Bradley, while understanding the attachment Renee has to Mia, feels he has been very patient and should have the opportunity to co-parent more evenly.

Martin and April

Martin and April divorced after a long-term marriage. Their children were grown and as part of their agreement, Martin would pay April maintenance for 5 years, to allow April time to complete a certification program and get a job with some financial security.

Unfortunately, Martin was injured a year later, and as a result, was unable to continue working at his current job. He was able to remain employed, but earning less than he was when he and April made their agreement.

April felt that it would be fair to reduce, but not eliminate the maintenance amount. After all, they had agreed that Martin would have a financial responsibility to her in exchange for the sacrifices she had made during their marriage. Martin felt that his change in income made any amount very difficult for him to pay. He wanted to maintain the same standard of living and paying the full amount would mean reducing his retirement contributions.

In all of these examples, couples who successfully mediated their divorces encountered challenges that impacted their agreements. It can be frustrating to still feel that your ex is able to influence your life, when many who divorce are seeking autonomy. If your agreement needs to change, working with a mediator can help.

I invite you to take one of these examples and think about how it might resolve:

• Do you relate to any of these situations?
• What would you do if you were in their shoes?
• Do you agree or disagree with any of the positions?

In my next blog, I will discuss the outcomes of these three cases.