Five Misconceptions About Divorce Mediation

Separating the Wheat from the Chaff

Misconceptions are ideas and beliefs which are erroneous, misleading, or otherwise flawed but which are commonly repeated as though they were true. Misconceptions exist in most walks of life and divorce is no exception. Here are five common misconceptions about divorce mediation.

You need your own lawyer to protect you.

Well meaning friends and family will often dispense this advice, but it is usually based on fear. While a lawyer may know the law, he or she does not know what is best for you and your family! Only you can determine that. The divorce mediator’s job is to make sure you are thinking clearly and that you are considering the long-term consequences of your decisions so that you can protect yourself.

The “law” determines what is “fair”.

Everyone’s definition of fair is different. Generally, the law was developed for those who were unable to determine “fair” for themselves. Only you know what feels fair to you. One role of a divorce mediator is to help you determine what feels “fair” in order to help you determine what result will feel right for you.

A Divorce is all about the money.

There are many aspects of a separation or divorce that have little to do with money. Often maintaining a civil relationship with your soon-to-be former spouse is very important. More often than not, minimizing the impact the separation or divorce is going to have on your children is much more important than getting every last available dollar. The role of the divorce mediator is to help you determine how you and your spouse can meet these important needs.

We need to “get along” for divorce mediation to work.

Just because you may not be friendly or get along with each other does not mean mediation won’t work for you. You do not have to agree on the terms of your settlement; you only have to want to reach an agreement with your spouse for mediation to work.

We need to have most of our terms “worked out” ahead of time to attempt mediation.

Most couples separate or divorce because they do not communicate well! You should not expect to be able to communicate with your spouse any better when trying to work out the terms of your separation or divorce than you did while trying to save your marriage. One of the roles of the divorce mediator is to help you communicate with each other so you can better understand not only your own needs and interests but those of your spouse. By doing so you will be able to reach an agreement that you might not have been able to reach on your own.