Still Living with Your Soon-to-Be Ex? A “Dating Agreement” Might Help

Many of my clients have been “separated” from their spouse for quite some time, even though they are not living apart. I am talking about couples who decided long ago that their marriage was over, but have been unable to live separately due to financial issues or because they are waiting for their house to sell.

Since the marriage is over, some of them wish to “get on with their lives,” which means they want to start dating again. The problem is that it is often difficult to date while you are still living with your soon-to-be ex. And you certainly do not want there to be any misunderstanding between the two of you about the dating “ground rules.”

As a result, some clients decide to create a “Dating Agreement” that outlines these ground rules. While a dating agreement can be contained in a Settlement Agreement, they are often done before a complete agreement is reached, and are part of a separate document that outlines the dating rules before there is an actual separation.

Some of the provisions that might be included in a dating agreement, courtesy of my friend Woody Mosten, include:

• Both parties are free to have social and sexual relations with other people without notice or informing the other party.

• The parties agree that they will not discuss “dating” or new relationships with the other person.

• Both agree that they will not ask questions or voluntarily share information about “dating” activities with the other person.

• Neither party may bring a romantic partner to events or family activities to which both parties are invited until the divorce is final and they are no longer living together.

• Neither party shall have overnights in the house with a romantic partner.

So, what do you think? Is it ok to date before you and your spouse have separated? If so, is a “Dating Agreement” a good idea? What other concerns might be addressed in such an agreement?