The Real Cost of an Affair

 A couple of weeks ago, I helped Christine and Allen reach a settlement agreement that seemed to be very fair to each of them. The truth was that this young couple had little to divide and Allen was willing to waive any claim to the few marital assets they had acquired. In fact, the most important issue was how they would parent their infant child post-divorce.

Several days after reaching a tentative agreement, Christine sent me an email saying that the agreement was no longer acceptable to her because she found out that Allen had been having affairs with several different women during the course of their marriage.

Because of this, she decided to hire her own lawyer, believing that she could obtain a greater financial settlement in court.

I responded to her email by informing her that the law in New York does not award a greater financial settlement to a spouse simply because the other spouse is guilty of some type of marital misconduct. While adultery is still grounds for a divorce in New York, the court system does not “punish” a spouse for this type of marital misconduct by granting a larger financial settlement to the “innocent” spouse.

While I can certainly understand her anger and hurt, I hope that if she does consult with her own attorney, she will receive an honest assessment of this reality and that the attorney will not lead her to believe she can “do better” simply because her husband had an affair.

This is also an example of why divorce mediation is better than litigation since it would allow Christine to confront Allen about his behavior, which is something she will not be able to do in the court system. And until this emotional issue between them is resolved, I suspect they are going to have a difficult time parenting their infant child post-divorce, which is what this couple should really be focused on doing.

Feel free to ask any questions, to comment, or to request more information in the Comments Box below. Also, please forward this blog to anyone you know who would be interested in its topic.