When Parents Remarry

If you are a parent and are planning to marry again, it is important to make sure that your children do not feel insecure with your soon-to-be new spouse. Often children think that you are getting a “new family” and become concerned that there will be no place for them in your new life. Here’s how to address these insecurities.

First, don’t introduce your children to a new person until you are sure that things stand a good chance of working out for you. This does not mean you have to wait until you “set the date”, but the two of you should have at least spent enough time together to make you feel that you really know this person and that you would be comfortable having him or her around your children.

Once you feel the time is right to introduce this new person to your children, prepare them in advance for the meeting. If possible, keep the first meeting short and in a public setting so you can end it quickly if things don’t go well. While a difficult first meeting doesn’t mean things won’t one day be fine, it may tell you to proceed more slowly since your children may not yet be ready to see you with someone else.

I believe it is also a good idea to discuss your plans with your former spouse so he or she does not hear about it from your children. Remember he or she is still your children’s parent. Hopefully, if for no other reason than for the sake of the children, they will be able to help you by letting the children know that it is ok with them that you have begun dating.

Finally, in the initial phases of your new partner’s relationship with your children, don’t show too much physical attention to the partner in front of them. It may plant a sense of insecurity or cause them embarrassment. And under no circumstances should you ever talk disrespectfully about the other parent with the new partner in front of the children.

Remember, your former spouse is still their father or mother and you having a new partner will never change that.