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Blaming Your Spouse for Ending the Marriage Can Be a Critical Mistake

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Blaming Your Spouse for Ending the Marriage Can Be a Critical Mistake

Blaming Your Spouse for Ending the Marriage Can Be a Critical Mistake by Daniel R. Burns

{1:43 minutes to read} When Hank and Wendy first came to me to help mediate their divorce, Wendy reported that it was Hank that wanted to end the marriage. He had moved out of the house they shared with their two children and had moved in with his girlfriend.

During the mediation session, Wendy stated on several occasions that it did not feel fair to her that she had to sell her house and not provide their children with everything they had before Hank left the house. Since he was the one that had decided to end the marriage, Wendy blamed Hank and felt that he should suffer all of the consequences and that her life should not have to change.

Of course, Hank was not able to provide Wendy with what she was seeking, since the only way to do so would be to give her his entire paycheck. As a result, it was very difficult to help them reach an agreement that both felt was fair.

Even if your spouse is 100% to blame for your marriage ending, blaming him or her will not benefit you since that keeps you focused on the past. The only way to move on with your life, as Wendy discovered, is to focus on your future.

You need to focus on how you are going to take care of yourself and your children with your “new normal.” While this is often difficult under the best of circumstances, it is almost impossible if you are dwelling on the past and blaming your spouse for wanting to end the marriage.

While it might be difficult to do at first, you will be able to get on with your life much faster if you are able to let go of the past and focus on your future.

Remember, you cannot change the past; the best you can do is control your future by learning from your past experiences and trying to create the “best possible outcome under the circumstances.”

Daniel R. Burns

Attorney & Mediator
1187 Troy Schenectady Road
Latham, NY 12110
Phone: (518) 529-5200
E-Mail: Info@BurnsMediation.com
Web: www.BurnsMediation.com

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