{3:00 minutes to read} Often, people come to divorce mediation under an incredible amount of stress. They know that to feel better, they need to end their marriage, and having a long, drawn-out fight is only going to prolong the stress and anxiety that are negatively impacting their health.
In divorce mediation, participants make informed decisions about many emotional, legal, and financial matters. In my mediation room, the rule is that everything goes on the table. I require my clients to make full disclosure of all assets and liabilities, and then they can divide these things in any way they feel is appropriate.
As my clients navigate these matters, I provide them with relevant information and connect them with other professionals (if they so desire) to assist them in the decision-making. I also help them to more effectively communicate with each other by encouraging each of them to share what, in their own mind, might feel like a fair outcome.
While it is rare that both of my clients have the same opinion about what is fair, we can usually get close. This is the point in the process, where each person needs to decide how much they are willing to compromise in the interest of reaching an agreement. What is their price to achieve peace?
This can be very difficult, especially if one of them does not want the marriage to end. This individual is usually not motivated to conclude things — they don’t want to be there in the first place!
For the spouse who wants out, this point in the process is where they sometimes will agree to something that they otherwise would not, just to conclude the agreement. To them, agreeing to a less advantageous arrangement, usually financially, is worth it if it means they can move on.
This price for peace, is fine with me, as long as they know what they are doing and why they are doing it:
- “Fine, he can keep the house, even though I feel that I should be the one to stay.”
- “I will waive my interest in her 401(k). I have enough in my own retirement account and can continue to build it.”
In these and many other examples, what they are really saying, is “I just want out, and if this is what it takes, then so be it.” For these individuals, the benefits of moving on are worth the concessions.
What is your price for peace?
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